She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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