You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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