dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
