How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
