Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She bit a glass in half.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
