i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Let's paint friendship bongs
Mom said you looked used
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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