You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
