Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
