I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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