I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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