worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
