Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize