Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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