i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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