she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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