Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Randomize
