I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize