my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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