i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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