I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
