just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
