She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
