fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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