I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
