Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
