My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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