Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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