one two three fourrrrnication!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
