one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
