she was so not down for the gang bang
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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