He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
