I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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