I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
my poor anus
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
