your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
