I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
