It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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