No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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