is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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