ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
