Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize