Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
