I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
