Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
