Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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