i think i have herpe
just one?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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