Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
