I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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