I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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