I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
