The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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