I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
