He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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