I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
