you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
