Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
