You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
