I'm gonna have a badass scar
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
