U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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