What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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