i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I wish there were birth control emojis
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
