They should really pass out barf bags in church
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
