THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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