i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
