I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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