i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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