I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
