Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
