Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
