just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize